By ReShonda Tate | Houston Defender | Word In Black
This post was originally published on Defender Network
(WIB) – Listen, Black men. We love y’all. We really do.
Black men hold a special place in our hearts, but sometimes—just sometimes—y’all make this love thing harder than it needs to be. So, to keep the peace and help you out, we’ve compiled a handy guide on what exactly Black women want from Black men. Read carefully, take notes and apply accordingly.
1. Emotional intelligence (Yes, that means feelings!)
Look, we know Big Mama raised you to “man up,” but this is 2025, and we need you to tap into those emotions. We’re not asking for full-blown poetry readings (unless that’s your thing because some of us love to get our “Love Jones” on), but a simple “Hey, I appreciate you” or “I was wrong” will go a long way.
“I don’t need a man to cry on command, but I do need him to recognize when I’m struggling and offer some support,” says Brandi, a Houston educator.
2. Consistency (Not just in the talking stage!)
One day you’re sending “Good morning, beautiful” texts, the next day you’re in witness protection. We need consistency, not surprises (unless it’s a planned trip to Cabo).
“If you don’t want to be here, just say that. Don’t make me guess,” says Tiffany, who has retired from the guessing game.
3. Effort (Because we’re not trying to raise grown men)
A little effort goes a long way. Plan a date, pay attention to the details and please know that “What you wanna eat?” is not it.
“A man who remembers my favorite flowers, orders my go-to coffee and shows up for me? That’s a man who wins,” says Jasmine, a self-proclaimed “soft life” enthusiast.
4. Protection (Beyond the streets and into our souls)
Yes, we love when y’all check somebody on our behalf, but protection isn’t just physical—it’s emotional and mental, too. Have our backs in rooms where we’re not present. Stand up for us when it counts.
“Protect me from the group chats full of nonsense, the ‘alpha male’ podcasts and my own tendency to overthink,” said Simone, a mental health advocate. “Oh, and your family. Because your silence as your cousin bashes me is co-signing the foolishness.”
5. Accountability (Because gaslighting ain’t cute)
If you messed up, own it. It’s really that simple. We’re tired of hearing, “I don’t remember saying that” when the receipts are sitting in our phones.
“Grown men hold themselves accountable. Boys play the blame game,” says Keisha, who has officially retired from arguments with delusional exes.
6. Vulnerability (Yes, we mean Real conversations!)
Saying “I don’t do emotions” is not an excuse. We want to know what’s on your mind, what worries you, what excites you—because relationships are built on connection, not just vibes.
“It’s attractive when a man can be open and trust me with his thoughts,” says Ashley, who is over surface-level connections.
7. Love that feels like partnership (Not Struggle!)
We’re not trying to be ride-or-die for a man who’s still deciding if he even likes us. We want to build with you, not survive with you.
“Black love is beautiful when it’s healthy. Stop thinking we have to struggle to prove our loyalty,” says Destiny, who is officially choosing peace over potential.
8. Know our love language (And speak it fluently!)
If we love words of affirmation, don’t hit us with dry texts. If we need quality time, don’t think a quick FaceTime call while you play Madden counts. We need love in the way we receive it, not just how it’s convenient for you to give.
“He can buy me flowers, but if my love language is acts of service, I’d much rather he fix that wobbly shelf in my kitchen,” says Lauren, who loves a handyman.
9. Make us laugh (Because life be life-ing!)
Nothing is sexier than a man who can make us laugh. Not just meme-sharing funny, but genuinely funny. Life is stressful enough—we need joy, not dry energy.
“If I can’t ugly laugh with you, we won’t last,” says Camille, who believes humor is a love language.
10. Be a man of your word (Because broken promises are the fastest way to break us)
Say what you mean and mean what you say. If you say you’ll call, call. If you say you’ll show up, show up. We notice when you don’t.
“If you say ‘I got you,’ then have me. No more empty words, please,” says Nia, who is done with broken promises.
Bottom line: We want y’all to win!
At the end of the day, we want Black men to be the best versions of themselves, just like we’re striving to be. So, take this list with love, share it with your boys, and if you see yourself in any of these points… just do better.
What would you add to the list? Head to our social media, drop a comment and let’s talk about it!